I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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