you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
