This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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