it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
