I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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