Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
