On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
