He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i need an iv and a liver transplant
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
