speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
