god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize