He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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