carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
