my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize