Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
