can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
