My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
