Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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