so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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