Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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