fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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