I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
