So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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