I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize