Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
