Christians are straight up FREAKS
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
