woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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