Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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