kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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