last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
