That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
