Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
