just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
