i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
They are going to name an STD after you.
Bring me that man meat
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
