The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
