the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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