i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
tell me about the fingering
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