I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
