I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
