you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We got so high we made milksteak
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
