I just made out with a guy for $7.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
