is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
