I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
