No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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