and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
