i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Drunk is a universal language darling
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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