arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Are we still banned from the library?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
