Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
