i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
