Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize