If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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