I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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