Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
