Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
