i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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