seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
