if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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