After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
