I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
