I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
