If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
