do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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