did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Terrible idea I love it
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
