whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
