Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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