we're chasing vodka with high fives
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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