But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
