last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
