Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
