I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
