please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
