So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
