My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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